


Drowning in Misplaced Love

by Raised_from_perdition



Series: Drowning without you [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Fluff, Hurt, M/M, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Sastiel, destiel is just awesome, sad!sam, sam just really loves cas, sorry sam i love you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 10:33:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1895838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raised_from_perdition/pseuds/Raised_from_perdition
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam watches Cas, but Cas only has eyes for Dean and Sam is drowning because he wants Castiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drowning in Misplaced Love

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously I'm not a Sastiel shipper, but I do love Sam. I'm actually pretty proud of this so please be nice :) And leave a comment please!

Sam watched. He watched the absent touches, and the too long stares. He watched as they gave each other longing gazes when the other wasn’t looking. Cas would give him a compliment and Dean would glow with happiness. Dean would pat him on the back, and Cas looked like he was melting. He watched, and tried to ignore the pang inside him.

He watched as, after a battle, Cas’ too blue eyes would search frantically, until they landed on a completely unscathed Dean. When Dean had so much as a scratch, Cas healed him instantly. He watched as, after they had both established the other was okay, they would look for Sam.

He watched as time went on, the touches and stares grew longer, and more intimate. When they stood, the space between the two was scarce, while Sam stood off to the side, with a significant distance from them.

He tried not to watch, when he walked into Dean’s room and his brother slammed the angel against the opposite wall and kissed up his neck. Neither saw him standing in the doorway as they pulled at each other’s clothes and moaned each other’s names. He tried so hard not to watch Cas as the angel squeezed his eyes tightly shut and pulled Dean’s hair. Dean pulled off Cas’ white dress shirt, and that’s when Sam ran out, careful not to slam the door.

Like the teenage girl he was, he collapsed onto his bed, and felt tears sting his eyes. It was so stupid to love Cas, especially when the guy was so wrapped up in Dean. When it came to Cas, he would always be second best to his brother. But that didn’t stop the feeling inside him. He was so selfish. He had been since he was a kid, and Dean had always given him anything he wanted. And Sam wanted Cas. He shook his head. No. no. Dean deserved Cas. Dean needed Cas. But Sam couldn’t help but think he needed it too.

Sam squeezed his eyes shut, ignoring the tears that spilled over his lids. Behind his lids images of Castiel played. He threw Cas against the wall and kissed up his neck. It was his name that Cas moaned over and over. They collapsed on the bed, and Cas breathed, ‘I love you’ onto his skin over and over as he kissed him. Sam bit his lip so hard he drew blood.

Cas would never love him. Sam was tainted, he was a demon child. Cas could see his twisted soul and the darkness in the corner of his mind. Of course he would never want Sam, with Dean beside with a soul that probably shone brighter than the goddam sun. Sam fell asleep with tears soaking the pillow and dreams of Cas beneath him.

The next morning Sam walked to the kitchen, were Dean and Cas stood ridiculously close, but this time their hands rested, intertwined, by their sides.

“Hey Sammy” Dean grinned, “We got something to tell you”

And just like that his world went crashing down.

Sam watched every day as Dean and Cas exchanged their flirty touches, and occasional kisses. Every time they were in the Impala, Cas rode shotgun and held hands with Dean. Sam watched as every night, Dean and Cas retired to the same bed. Once or twice he had gone in there when the two of them where asleep, and seen them curled up in bed together, smiles on their faces. It felt like Sam had this never ending pressure hanging off his chest, and whenever he watched Cas kiss Dean’s cheek, or listened to Dean call Cas baby, making the angel blush, it felt like a dead weight tugging at his heart.

One of the nights he peeked inside their room, they were once again wrapped up together. From where Sam was, it looked like they were facing each other, foreheads touching. Sam stayed as quiet as he could, as he heard one of them shift in bed.

“I love you” he heard Cas whisper in his gravelly voice.

Suddenly Sam was drowning. The weight on his chest was becoming unbearable, and tugged him down. The words reverberated around in his skull, bouncing off his brain. He crawled from the room, choking on air. He had to get out. He had to. Barely, he made it to his room. He packed all his things up as fast as he could.

_I love you I love you I love you_.

He got to the garage of the bunker and paused. The Impala winked at him from its place in the corner. Why not? Why shouldn’t Sam take it? Dean had everything Sam ever wanted, so he owed him this. He tossed his duffel bag into the back seat and climbed behind the wheel. He reversed out of the bunker and drove.

_I love you I love you I love you_.

With the open road in front of him, and the purr of the Impala filling the air, for a minute, Sam got to pretend those words were for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment on what you thought and a kudos if you liked it :)


End file.
